Everyday happiness - Seven tips to increase happiness

Have you ever felt bogged down by all the negative things going on in the world?

If so, remember that despite all the hardships, there is a lot of good in this world, too. And it’s by focusing on the good that we can find the motivation to make the world a better place for ourselves, our loved ones and our communities.

In this post, you’ll about learn the benefits of positive psychology, and how by leaning into all the positive things that people are doing, it can make you - and those around you - happier.

In a recent discussion with Dr Tim Sharp on the Build Your Ideal Day podcast, we talked all about happiness and how it applies to our everyday lives. An internationally recognised leader in positive psychology and mental health, Tim has three degrees in psychology, including a PhD, and impressive records as an academic, clinician and coach.

Tim is also the founder of the Happiness Institute, making him the CHO (Chief Happiness Officer) of a company dedicated to enhancing our happiness. So who better to talk to about what it takes to build a good life?

How is happiness defined?

We’ve previously touched on this subject during our discussion with Professor John Helliwell on the World Happiness Report and happiness, so it was great to get Tim’s take too.

In the yearly World Happiness Report, happiness is usually measured by aspects including quality of life, political stability, and life satisfaction. Tim explains this is a different way of defining happiness to positive psychologists like himself.

In fact, Tim says some positive psychologists don’t even really like to use the word happiness as they find it too broad or misused - though Tim himself finds it a useful construct.

One way of thinking of happiness is simply that it’s a form of positive emotion, alongside other positive emotions like love, joy, gratitude, calm, appreciation, etc. In essence, happiness is one of many ways that we feel good.

But as useful as these emotions are, by definition they’re impermanent. They come and go, often within seconds or minutes!

So in positive psychology, they’re also interested in defining happiness as finding something deeper and more enduring, which is often referred to as thriving, flourishing, or life satisfaction.

This concept of happiness fluctuates less than the former, and is, therefore, less impacted than the ebbs and flows of daily life.

Why is happiness so important?

Happiness, of course, has many potential benefits to your day-to-day life.

It’s obvious that most people would say ‘Of course I want to be happier.’ But that doesn’t mean we fully understand how good happiness is for us and prioritise it accordingly.

When we’re happier, we’re healthier, have better quality relationships, are more productive, and perform better in most areas of life.

In a work context, Tim explains that plenty of research shows that happy workers are better workers. Happiness leads to engagement and discretionary effort, and thus productivity and performance.

If people and their performance are necessary to your business, then their health and wellbeing are critical. Happier workers will be more energised, inspired, and motivated.

7 Tips for Happiness (from a positive psychologist)

1. Have realistic expectations of what it means to be ‘happy’

Some people believe that searching for happiness is counter-productive, or even unhealthy; it’s like searching for the end of the rainbow and never being able to find it, rather than sitting back and enjoying the view.

But Tim explains that the key to improving your happiness is to be realistic and understand that no one will be happy all the time.

Providing you have a healthy definition of happiness, taking steps towards a good life is beneficial. However, if you’re chasing unrealistic expectations of happiness because you want to be happy every second of every day, then of course you’ll be disappointed.

Happiness just doesn’t mean we’ll never feel other important human emotions, such as stress, anxiety, or anger. These crucial emotions help show us when we need to make changes, take a break, reach out for help, or simply accept the times when life is hard.

‘We’re humans and we’re meant to feel all sorts of things.’ No one will be happy all the time. It’s totally OK to not be happy and to be able to safely express when you’re unhappy.

Instead. Tim suggests working on contributing factors to happiness - such as having meaning and purpose, feeling part of a community, setting and working towards meaningful goals, and not just feeling good but doing good. By working on this foundation, greater happiness will come.

2. Remember that your ‘ideal life’ is always changing

Our ideal life changes all the time. If Tim looks back five or ten years ago, he sees how his way of defining happiness changes every few years.

So don’t get stuck in one definition and reflect on what happiness truly means to you today.

Tim jokes, ‘If your definition of happiness is the same at 40 as at 18, I’d probably be a bit concerned!’ Some aspects might be the same, but as we change and our lives change, we usually need to change our definitions within that.

3. Learn self-compassion

Tim says that learning self-compassion has been an important step for him.

‘We won’t get it right all the time. Sometimes we’ll stuff it up and make mistakes.’ But self-compassion allows us to continue. By being kinder to ourselves through difficult times, rather than beating ourselves up, we resist holding ourselves down for longer than necessary.

Self-compassion expert Dr Kristen Neff breaks down self-compassion into three simple practices:

• Mindfulness: Recognise what you’re thinking and feeling

• Self-kindness: Treat yourself the same way you would your best friend, or a client/customer in a work context. We’re often far more critical of ourselves than others; if you’re more kind and understanding of our loved ones’ mistakes; you should apply the same kindness to yourself.

• Connection: We’re all fallible and imperfect, and as such we’re all connected through our mistakes and imperfections! This connection reminds us we’re not alone in making mistakes; this is something we all go through.

4. Learn from positive differences in others

Those who bring positive differences to a community or organisation can create lasting change - as long as we’re willing to learn from them. In a workplace that embraces positive leadership, this concept is often called positive deviance. There are usually one or two people in an organisation who positively deviate from the norm. They do things differently not for the sake of being different, because they know their strategies work better.

These people are invaluable if we learn from their unique approaches.

Similarly, we can learn from other people’s behaviour when we see it has a positive effect on us. Sometimes this is called social contagion: if one person walks in the door exuding authentic positivity, then it will affect your mood. Soon your more positive mindset will affect your interactions with others, which will spread to an entire group, community or organisation.

When you bring your best self, it encourages others to do the same.

5. Embrace failure and feeling lost

Throughout his career, Tim recalls that when working hard to achieve goals, there’s been a huge focus on clarity, confidence, and comfort. However, while these are worthwhile attributes, Tim believes we also need to embrace the other side of the coin.

Why? Because there are so many benefits to being lost and failing or being hopeless at something. We can’t try new things if we’re afraid of finding out we’ll be totally hopeless at them!

By embracing discomfort, we open up so many more possibilities. Tim strongly believes in the value of being lost, so much so that he made it the focus of his new

book, Lost and Found: Wandering Your Way to a Better Life. In the corporate world, the importance of failure applies too. When there’s too much fear about

making mistakes, everyone wants to strive to be as excellent as they can. But while that’s not a worthy goal, companies cannot say they value creativity and innovation while also punishing mistakes.

Mistakes are necessary in order to try something new without worrying about it going right the first time, and then innovating and improving.

6. Spend time around those who uplift you

Psychological safety is important in our personal and professional lives. When we surround ourselves with people we trust, we can be vulnerable. We’ll be more prepared to fail, make mistakes, learn and grow, so it’s beneficial to be around people who are forgiving of our faults and help us use them as a learning moment.

Thankfully, there are ways to strengthen your social network, whether you already have a great foundation of close relationships, or are starting from a position of loneliness.

A positive social network, Tim says, is absolutely crucial. If he was forced to choose one thing that would lead to greater happiness, this would be it. (And many studies - including the longest- ever study on happiness - agree with him!)

The positive relationships we have with other people are the number one determiner of our health, longevity, productivity, and sense of connectedness.

7. Remind yourself how much good there is in the world.

When you turn on the news, it usually ends up looking like the world is doomed. Or at the very least as if the world is destined to be 90% full of catastrophies and disasters.

Tim says that the impact this has on our mental state is extremely negative.

Although bad things are absolutely happening, the news isn’t the reality of the world. In fact, the reality of the world is more likely to be closer to 10% bad and 90% good. This negative news is unrealistic and unhelpful and increases stress, anxiety and depression. Seeing the news and feeling hopeless becomes a self-perpetuating cycle.

Tim hopes we find a solution to it soon - as avoiding the news altogether isn’t advisable - but also points out that if you’re reading this blog post that’s a great sign because you’re already looking for ways to bring more positivity back into the world.

The more people who think about happiness and prioritise it, the better. When we take positive action, it positively affects those around us too.

How Focusing on Happiness Helps Those Around You

By thinking about Happiness, we’re really allowing ourselves to sit and reflect on what makes life better. We’re focussing not on what it takes to repair injury to a bad life, but on what it takes to make a good life.

It’s easy to feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, but know that there are lots of good people doing lots of good things.

Tim reminds us that for every trouble in the world, there are a lot of people trying - and often succeeding - to come out with solutions. Yes, there are a lot of these struggles, but when getting boogied down in them, we equally need to think about what’s going well and what can we do about the bad things.

‘When we present people with things they can do to take positive and constructive action, that then engenders hope and optimism which is beneficial for everyone.’ Spend some time thinking about good things happening in the world - whether it’s people you know personally who help you or others, or organisations working towards values you believe in. Come back to this next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by the news cycle.

Further links can be found Dr Tim Sharp and podcast link everyday-happiness-seven-tips-to-increase-happiness