Getting Unstuck: How to Move Forward When You’re Feeling Stuck

When we feel stuck, moving forward can seem like an insurmountable task.

We’ve talked a lot about the importance of developing routines and habits to help us be the best version of ourselves.

And we’ve also touched upon how hard it can be to stick to even the small changes required to make long-term changes; by their very nature, long-term goals take a very long time to achieve. Without feeling a sense of daily progress, we will inevitably feel stuck from time to time.

While feeling stuck is incredibly common, it’s easy to feel alone during these periods of perceived stagnancy. Being stuck can feel like we’re in an endless holding pattern. You may even feel a little helpless, wondering when this period can pass so you continue taking steps in your life.

But is there anything we can do, besides finding the patience to wait it out? Or are there things we can do to get unstuck, or to at least make these periods of feeling stuck less frequent?

Well, according to some research, yes, there is! And in this blog post, we’re going to look into just that.

What does it mean to feel stuck?

Feeling stuck can come in many forms, from professionally or creatively (such as writer's block or feeling restless at work) to relationships.

Adam Alter, PhD, who discussed his book ‘Anatomy of a breakthrough’ on a recent episode of the Speaking of Psychology podcast, is particularly interested in those of us who’ve felt chronically stuck, something which can plague last months, years, or even decades. Alter is a professor of marketing at NYU’s Stern School of Business and the Robert Stansky Teaching Excellence Faculty Fellow.

On the podcast, he pointed out that there is a huge difference between times when we are literally stuck (such as during covid lockdowns) versus forms when we have some agency over the situation. It is the latter that we are discussing here; times when the psychological feeling of stuckness is holding back. When we realise we have the agency to make change, it can be incredibly powerful.

Useful Strategies for Getting Unstuck

Ask yourself questions - why am I feeling stuck?

Be curious about what’s going on to make you feel stuck. External goals are a great distraction from our internal motivations, but we need to be honest about how we feel if we want to move forward.

Is it because you’re not sure what you want anymore? Are you being too self-critical? Are you stuck in routines that aren’t working anymore but don’t want to budge? Are you struggling with your identity, losing your sense of purpose, or worrying about what others think of you?

While you try and work out why you feel stuck, do so with patience and acceptance. Be a good listener to your inner self as you try to work out what's going on. Now you’re in a better place to decide what to do next.

Change things up and experiment!

When the returns we’ve seen from long-term habits start to dry up, we tend to get unmotivated. For example, a sedentary person might thrive with a new fitness routine, but after 12-18 months their progress can plateau. Similarly, the same goes for skills and learning new things; the strategy that worked well for the first year might later become less effective over time.

While we still might be making gains, these become smaller over time and can lead people to feel like they’ve hit a wall.

In this case, switching up your strategy can help! Try a new fitness class, switch up the platform you use to learn a language or think of fun ways to put your new skills into practice.

Getting Over Analysis Paralysis

In the age of information overload, we get stuck making even small decisions. This is often known as analysis paralysis.

Each time you have to make a choice, ask yourself how important it is that you make the absolute best decision. Or, in this case, will a satisfactory choice do just fine? Do you need the perfect option, or will ‘good enough’ get you over the hurdle just fine?

If you’re deciding what house to buy or whether to have children, you’ll realise that, yes, it’s important to make the right choice and to think about it really carefully. But, most of the time, settling for a ‘good enough’ choice will make you happier than the ‘perfect’ one. And in other cases, just take your time - not everything needs an answer straight away.

Break long-term goals into smaller chunks.

Lining up the next big thing or finishing a project can be fun and rewarding, but there’s an inevitable lull between those two vital steps.

We tend to get stuck in the middle when working toward protracted goals. While these lulls are a really normal part of creating change, how to cope with these lulls is discussed far less than in the initial stages of creating plans and goal-setting.

We also don’t see much progress in these middle sections, so it’s hard to stay motivated. Whereas we gather speed early and again towards the end when we can see the finish line.

One potential solution is to break down large goals into much more narrow sub-goals. This means those middle lulls will recur less often, as we’ve shrunk them down! Instead, we’ll benefit from the beginner’s rush and pull to the finish line for each smaller goal.

One of my personal goals is to ocean swim a 6-kilometre return loop from Shelly Beach to Freshwater Point in Sydney. At first, I could use landmarks to track my progress (beach on the left and shark nets on the right), but at some point, you are way out to sea and the water became so deep that I no longer had a reference point. With no meaningful understanding of my progress, how would I stay motivated to maintain the pace?

Well, I switch up my strategy; maybe I’ll focus on speeding up to the swimmer in front of me, decide to focus on my breathing or count for 30 strokes at a time. Setting mini goals helped me get over the ‘middle lull’ despite having no reference point for speed or direction, and stay motivated until the end.

Change your perception about things getting ‘hard.’

Some of us believe that we’re more creative at the beginning of a creative project, especially when it’s repetitive. But Adam disagrees; when things get harder, we actually get more creative.

But humans often misinterpret these signals; when we find things more difficult, we might feel as if the best is behind us (at least when it comes to that specific project or skill). In actual fact, we tend to do much better after we find things more difficult.

And sometimes, we just need to get started - even if the first ideas are bad. For example, when songwriter and writer Jeff Tweedy spoke about writer’s block, he explained that some days he doesn’t want to be creative. So he imagines the good ideas are hidden under a layer of muck. When he feels tired or unmotivated, he just starts writing anything.

Because what’s better than feeling stuck? Acting on it, even if the ideas you’re acting on are bad. By lowering our standards and deciding that any ideas are acceptable (or even writing down bad ideas on purpose!), we’ll feel better than if we did nothing and potentially move closer to the good ideas.

We can also feel overwhelmed at work when we have too much on our plate. I’ve noticed this when creating podcasts - the pressure to keep thinking of new and interesting ideas could drive me to a standstill. I’ve found breaking each podcast into ten or so elements makes things much more manageable; ‘finding talent, developing the script, recording the podcast, mixing the audio files’ are all much easier, individual goals than the difficult task of ‘creating a podcast.’

Talk to others

When we’re feeling stuck, we might be tempted to chat about it with people who are similar to us - those with the same background or who trained similarly.

Alter suggests the opposite - certainly talk about it, but start conversations with people who are different from us, or even those who will push back on our ideas. This is valuable as we’ll get exposed to new ideas and wisdom. Sure, not everyone will have ideas that resonate with us, but we’re more likely to hear from someone who will help us see things in a new way.

Stay curious about what works best and be willing to experiment with new ways of doing things.

Be kind to yourself

Everyone gets stuck! Yet despite being universal, being stuck can lead to fear, anxiety, and isolation.

In Alter’s episode of the Speaking of Psychology podcast, he mentions that in one of his long-running surveys on the topic, whenever he asks people if there’s any area of their lives where they feel stuck, the vast majority of participants can start typing a response within 15 seconds, suggesting these instances are top of mind, ubiquitous and potentially just a part of what it means to be human.

There’s no one in the world, from your next-door neighbour to successful business leaders, who will tell you things were always plain sailing. Uncertainty and dips in motivation are part of life, so try not to let it affect your confidence.

So it’s really important to be kind to yourself - you’re only human like the rest of us!

Summary

Getting unstuck doesn’t have to be like climbing a mountain - we just need to start by wiggling our feet around in the ground.

By experimenting with new ways of doing things, chatting with people with different points of view, and being willing to do things imperfectly, we get unstuck from the mud. When working towards long-term goals, be willing to try different strategies and break them down into smaller chunks so the finish line doesn’t feel so out of sight.

Finally, it’s important to be honest with what’s making you feel stuck. Remember you have the agency to make amazing changes to move forward, but also meet yourself with compassion and acceptance as you break out of this plateau. Just making attempts to get unstuck is the perfect first step forward.

Further listening:

How to Get Unstuck with Adam Alter - Speaking of Psychology

You 2.0: How to Break Out of a Rut - Hidden Brain